Growing up is different

11Nov07

So I went to this med school party the other day….a Halloween party to be exact…everyone dressed up in their costume-y best…spider pigs and fairies and d-bags and s&m freaks alike, all gathering in some small Toledo home in a nice neighborhood drinking Bud/Miller Lite, taking shots and eating laffy taffy….oddly reminiscent of the parties we’d have back in college…minus the fact that everyone was old, some were married and the house was actually owned by the people throwing the party…

Anyways…the point of it was, as I’m walking around this party of all these people I kind of know but only superficially I noticed the normal flirtation thing going on (btw I was DD so all of these are sober observations)…basically I saw all these guys and girls just being exactly like they were not long ago…still flirting, still awkwardly talking about uselessness, still trying to make that first move by touching a leg or the small of a back, still trying to get the number, and still stealing random articles of costumes (hats, sunglasses, wings, etc.) in an effort to be remembered…all the same…except

I’ve noticed this thing…that as we get older, even through college, it’s a lot less common to see unrequited affection….that is, you don’t really see the guy or girl who is interested in the other person but the feeling isn’t mutual….not that people don’t get shot down as much anymore, but it’s really uncommon to see that hs phenomenon where person a asks out person b and gets rejected…everyone seems a bit more open to the situation….and i started to wonder why

Now, that isn’t to say there aren’t unrequited feelings anymore…I personally am a stuck in that situation at the moment and it also led me to think more about this….I couldn’t remember the last time (before my current situation) I liked someone for an extended period even though I knew the answer to the obvious question lurking in my mind….makes me feel kind of stupid because I don’t see it around me anymore…almost like everyone really understands that if there is a chance, take it….and if it doesn’t work then just move on and keep trying….but how exactly did that happen?

As we get older, the amount of people we meet dwindles….we start to make less friends each year, eventually getting to almost a standstill….in hs you knew almost everyone in your grade and each year newbies would come in and since you’re kind of stuck in a small area you get to know everyone pretty well….then college, same kinda concept but a lot more people and more space, so you meet fewer (at least you know fewer as well)….so when you’re a single person, the odds of meeting someone diminish each year just by virtue of life….so I figure that when someone wants to ask you out, you’re subconscious tells you to at least give it a shot because chances are that the next time you get asked out won’t be soon….not like back in the day when each weekend meant a potentially new person as well…

But is it just that? Is it a fact of us realizing our chances are slimming? Maybe it’s our maturity…we don’t see the world as the new-experience-weekly thing it used to be and we’ve wised up to understand that stability and stagnation are key to keep moving….we tend to look past the excitement of “meeting new people” and instead look for “new person”…could it be just that we’re older and our natural evolutionary instinct is to settle down and not really waste our time with things that have failed before….maybe that’s the reason you don’t see the initial “no” as much as you see the “we went out once, it didn’t work out, so we’re not gonna see eachother again”….

Relationships are always a funny enough thing to wonder about (especially when you don’t have one…bc all that time you spend with a person is spent doing stupid things like blogging)….but I feel lots of people get caught up in the “being in a relationship” part that they kind of miss out/suck at the “getting into a relationship” part…but others are the complete opposite….I know people who are great in relationships but are the most awkward starters ever….while I know others who go on several first dates but can’t hold down anything (*cough* me *cough*)….

Anyways….the point of it all was that I have too much time when I go out and actually notice myself and the people around me getting older….which is both cool and scary at the same time….cool because it’s a progression and scary because it seems that with my one-sided affection I’m still stuck in high schooll…oh well, the point of this whole thing was just my observation of the maturation of relationships….from an awkward, “do you want to be my girl/boy friend?” to the “lets go out sometime….again….and again….dating….serious…”progression….it seems as we got older, we got more in tune with feelings but slower about the whole thing in general…seems a little backwards no?…the less time you have, the more you spend?

take care and Happy Veteran’s Day….

Filed under: relationships, thoughtful   |  1 Comment
Tags: life, maturity, rejection, relationships, thoughtful, unrequited